He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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