Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize