Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize