WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
