well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
