I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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