Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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