my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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