okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
