im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
