After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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