spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
