it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
