I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You left your phone here
Wait...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
