Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
