my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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