So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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