if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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