I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
