either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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