tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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