What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
