Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
