I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's get the cat blown out
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
