i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
