We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
