Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
