Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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