had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
