well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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