trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
