remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
