so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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