he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
