my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize