you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
