it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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