There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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