2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
