everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
