You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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