Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
