I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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