I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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