Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
