i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
