He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
