Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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