I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
