is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
