he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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