I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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