pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
