Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
