"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
