Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
