Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
