Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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