I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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