You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize