He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
