I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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