He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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