is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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