he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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