Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize