i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
