When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
